Why do I disappoint myself?

This wall is porous, I can move through it.

It’s just another crashing wave.

Why must I be upset?

There is nothing there, not even a dream that takes me past this life,

and no promise here either.

If hungry, eat, if tired. sleep, if sad, cry,

But that’s it.

Life is bleak. 

Run after that high.  

Look down on anyone different and seclude yourself from any threat. 

But I’m upset. 

This is all my parents had to live for? 

The smug dissatisfaction of an unjust world? To learn to make the rules to suit yourself. 

But I’m upset. Even my lover didn’t understand and left.

Should I be happy? 

I got what I wanted almost without asking, thank you AI, or should I be thanking myself?

But I’m upset. Should I take up arms against this flight of fancy, or sever my own throat?

It is nobler to cut myself down, if I choose fools gold.

So I’m upset.

My upset upstaged and disinherited me of reason,

The red flag of folly that beckons an enraged bull. 

Murderous and fatal. 

The wall of waves comes pounding down, one after another,

Frigid and hard,

I, deaf, dumb, and blind.

The target is through, not around. 

There is no happiness if there is no victory. 

No pain greater than mine, no loss more costly. 

This wall of water will drown me. 

But with a heaving breath I carve a better way…through 

One more upset, let it become a waterfall, let gravity pull, in a moment I’m there. 

There is no wall.

No upset.

There is nothing.

Just another sunny day

on one gloomy afternoon.